(image Frank Winkler / Pixabay)
OK Caregivers, how many types of love can you name? Does the concept of love, of any kind, ever cross your mind as you perform caregiving chores?
Some know that I’m far from a love doctor, and growing up I was too ethnic and too shy to ever consider a public display of affection, even hand-holding (to my wife’s chagrin and dismay).
An article by psychiatrist Neel Burton, “These Are The 7 Types of Love,” made me start thinking about the word “love”, and what that word means in caregiving. [BTW, others say there are eight types, others say four, and I mention a few myself, below].
Dr. Burton uses ancient Greek terms to characterize love. There’s Eros, for romantic love; Philia, for friendship love; Storge, love between parent and child; Agape, altruistic love and/or religious love; Ludus, playful flirting; Pragma, dutiful love; and Philautia, or self-love.
It’s just like a doctor to dissect the wonderful complexity of love into its component parts (or was it really Plato originally?) I kinda think a spousal relationship encompasses all seven of those aspects, and more.
So I’m making up a new term: “Uxoriant love,” from the Latin “uxor” for spouse and a playful fusion with the adjective “luxuriant”. The word “uxorious” already exists, but it suggests submissiveness. Yeah, OK, maybe just “marital love” works better and is self-explanatory.
Being a medical person though, I have to point out that the seven types are all basically benign; what about the malignant kinds of love? Some mention Mania, or obsessive love; but there are also nasty aspects like greediness, lust, jealousy, etc , but let’s stay positive here. It’s hard to imagine those in most caregiving.
As a caregiver now, some times I find myself thinking and feeling more on the lines of what might be a non-reciprocal Pragma, a dutiful love, or Storge, almost a parent-child love, as I try to mix in some Ludus, Philia and Agape.
Are there more types of positive love for caregivers? For many, the relationship is complex, and it changes over time as a person’s needs change. There may be a custodial aspect of love, or devotion, that neither Pragma nor Storge quite cover.
We may see caregiving robots some day, but for now, I hope that caregivers can approach their efforts as acts of kindness, or maybe acts of affection, or even acts of …. some type of love, within the boundaries of medical ethics and HIPAA-approved, of course.
[p.s. I saw a terrific Beatles music movie recently, maybe yesterday, (this is a non-commercial blog), and this posting may have been prompted by a wonderful rendition of “All You Need Is Love”]
Janet Wainwright
As a lifelong caregiver of a child with a chronic illness there is what I would term “Mama bear” love which is a bit more than just love for a child. Perhaps it seems stronger because it is constant and requires heightened vigilance. Mama bear love is characterized by a willingness to do whatever it takes to protect ones child: fight insurance companies, challenge bullies on the playground, fight dragons and anyone or anything that threatens ones child. Mama bear love is instinctive and powerful.
ronlouie
I’ve witnessed some fierce Mama and/or Papa Bear Love, which I think is a secret weapon that kids have, so that their outcomes are usually better than adults. The only thing that might match Parental Bear Love is TeenAge Independence, which can be just as fierce. To digress, in that situation, a cub might learn from a little failure, if given the latitude, but in eldercare, failure isn’t as well tolerated.
Taryn Lindhorst
As the adult daughter of a mom with vascular dementia, I am thinking about filial love — that love that makes me want to protect my mom from her suffering, to ease her loneliness and to ensure that the end of her life is the way she wants it to be.
Thanks for this post, Ron. Are you familiar with C. S. Lewis’s discussion on love? He goes for 4 types, but is mainly interested in spiritual (agape) love, if I remember right. I read it in my 20’s.