Just look at the expressive eyes of those lions above. What stories they could tell…kudos to the artist!
A Mythical Business Card:
CareGivingOldGuy
Sexual Orientation: Yes / Sexual Preference: Yes // Marital Status: Yes//Pronouns: Me, Myself & I // Address: USA, with its sexual taboos//Activity: Speculative
Even the subject of sex for younger people with physical disabilities may not get the attention it deserves, a part of someone’s quality of life, but there are resources. Relationships and sexuality for dementia spousal caregivers in the US still seems taboo.
Many might think that male caregivers may have hit their own physical limits, “male menopause” and loss of libido, so they couldn’t be interested in sex and/or another relationship. The exhortation is that caregivers need to take care of “themselves”, right? 🥴 🤪
For males of a certain age, Shakespeare wrote :
“…His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank 🍆, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound….” (As You Like It, Act II Sc 7)
Dan Gasby was the husband and caregiver for B. Smith, the late author, model and restauranteur who developed Early Onset Alzheimer’s. In 2019 he was candid about having a girlfriend, not without considerable controversy. After B. Smith died, Dan’s newer relationship did not last.
One non-judgmental blog, BetterHealthWhileAging.net by geriatrician Dr. Leslie Kernisan, tackles the subject of a caregiver’s sexual activity specifically. [It’s OK to click on these links, this one is a long and helpful posting, and it isn’t porn].
One caregiver forum, on AgingCare.com also tackles the issue: “A very sensitive question, what does a caregiver do about sex?” Since the question was posted, it has garnered over 80 answers.
FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)? CareGivingOldGuy is not getting any younger, but at least has the privilege of trying to choose what might be most fulfilling, as an individual with his own sense of proximal inevitability, and in a long-lasting partnership.
Before the pandemic, loneliness was identified in the medical literature as an issue for older folks, but more so in family caregivers of disabilities, cancer, and dementia. The pandemic showed that persons could adapt, be resilient and survive even while lacking many things taken for granted.
But the social abnormality and “isolation cocoons” of the last year did have a terrible affect on mental health, opioid usage and suicide, documented in JAMA. along with domestic violence and child abuse. Not saying these topics are all intrinsically woven, but the social needs of individuals aren’t trivial.
Caregiving Old Guy already covered “Love and Caregiving”. Yes, maybe it was a bit superficial and tangential. Good adjectives for this discussion, too?!
Al Green wrote that making a relationship endure might be challenging (an irreplaceable classic), but it can be just as rockin’, funky and fun in a new way, at least as interpreted by Rozzi / Scary Pockets ( is that Colin Kaepernick on bass?):
And no one wants to get caught red-handed these days, do they?
CC0 pixabay
[p.s. the idea for this blog came up in conversation with a few other male spouse caregivers, so thanks for bringing it up. CareGivingOldGuy wouldn’t have!]
