Experience is what you get when you don’t get whatcha want !
That’s my favorite annoying aphorism, enough to get the eye-rolling that used to precede “OK, Boomer,” just months ago.
So….whaddya Caregivers want anyways? Yes, you put on a brave face, putting aside your lifelong ambitions to win the Lottery, a Nobel Prize, getting published in The New Yorker without an agent, sailing around the world, climbing a mountain, and having a cameo in a Star Wars flick!
Life might be about the thrills. But the trade off in caregiving is that one spends more time with the MIPIYL, most important person in your life, which, on balance, is real and beats all the other things already. And who says there aren’t thrills in the daily duties of caregiving: the surprising smiles, chuckles and demonstration of retained abilities? And the triumph when something new really works!
Another aphorism that I used to teach: Raising Expectations Too Much Can Lead To Disappointment. I’m not talking about raising hope in a health situation; that’s critical and important. I’m talking about expectations that are the result of magical thinking, which come up with a thud against the hard wall of reality.
Expectations can be managed sometimes, but putting things in perspective is something Dr. Google can’t match for now. Foreshadowing disappointment softly is another thing for which she’s not too accomplished.
But….who doesn’t love the Hollywood Sporting Trope? The home team can be terrible for the whole game, the starters can flub it up, but a miracle and victory can still be had in the bottom of the ninth inning, or the last minute of the fourth quarter, or the final seconds of the Final Four! So you’re telling me there’s a chance, as the movie says.
And Caregiving is really a team sport, for a team of two. Kinda like Celebrity Doubles Tennis (Bill Gates and Roger Federer vs. Trevor Noah and Rafael Nadal, raising money for African children, Feb 2020). The players have different abilities, but it’s not so much the play as the pleasure and gratitude just to be there.
CC0 MaxPixel.net Peppy Pingu
So, we made it through 2020, but we’re grateful it’s almost over, and looking forward with optimism of a much better 2021! Happy New Year!
