CaregivingOldGuy had a fairly sudden episode of fatigue and apathy this week that really crept up and surprised him, not with a ” Boo!”, but rather more like a “Shush, now….”
Yeah, there’s a lot going on, a lot to think about, a lot of impacts: recognition of social injustice, racism and protests, the pandemic which seems to be targeting our age group, the general economy tanking, and effects on family and friends. Even in the OldGuy’s ostrich hole, those things, stress and overload still manage to penetrate.
And then OldGuy decided to “re-home” a likeable little dog, adored by visitors, but no longer really a companion for the one person who selected him as a puppy. The dog now has so much obvious fun with younger people, it seems like serving the greater good to place him in a family home with kids and a yard. Win-win.
Old Guy was going to discuss it further when the personal brownout happened, a bit like having a much slower internet. Not a fugue state or shutdown or breakdown; awareness was maintained. Kinda strange, not so much physical or respiratory fatigue (i.e. not symptoms of a virus) as much as an autopilot need for steady silence, and an unwillingness to talk, or type, or think.
Listening to music was OK, and OldGuy could sardonically laugh at something funny on TV. Chores were getting done. There was a bit of anhedonia, but not hopelessness nor self-pity (?#?), just hitting a wall, feeling stunned and blank. Never one for solace in drugs or alcohol, the hot shower helped a bit. Not really. Episode lasted a few hours until a restless bedtime.
Psychiatrists have been writing for months about public mental health issues associated with the pandemic; one general article linked here. JAMA has several articles about health care workers and their stressed mental health in China, Italy and the US , in the context of the crisis. NEJM discusses physician burnout.
Those frontline health workers really are Heroes, full of responsibility, competence and hope. OldGuy isn’t under that kind of pressure at all, far from it. And OldGuy has always loved using a personal disclaimer: he’d rather be known as a surly curmudgeon, since he’s had a lifelong limit to his emotional range and responses, a pre-emptive “just let me be” and “well, excuuuuse meee!” (a la Steve Martin).
OldGuy’s never had a significant “brownout” like this before. Is he like an outdated power grid, prone to brownouts, cables fraying? Is this an early stage of something, or mythical “hypoglycemia”? Does the OldGuy just need more yoga, exercise, nap time, mindfulness, respite relief, etc etc etc? (addressed in that NEJM editorial). Maybe, but Old Guy returned to baseline the very next day, even with another bad night of sleep documented on an app.
Some short term solutions seem to be helping: more caffeine (like the old days), more YouTube music (wordless jazz and electronica), more comedies. After all, Disney movies can help adult cancer patients. (the link is a serious randomized clinical trial last month in JAMA, but not “blinded” haha). “To Infinity and Beyond”!?! (um, double entendre?)
The point, I guess, is that home / family caregivers just don’t have the protective immunity they’d like, have to pay attention to their own health, and be responsible to themselves even while being responsible for others.
by D. Kline CC-BYNC 2.0, Flickr
