“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”
― As You Like It
My old guy goal was to be a Curmudgeon, and make young people look up that word (yeah, you, millennial!). That’s before I realized they wouldn’t even bother. “Dis,” the monosyllabic contraction for “dismissive,” may be indicative of a generational attitude that gave us “OK, Boomer.” Yeah, well….
The popular idea is that old guys seem to end up one of two ways: a Smiling Wizened Sage or a Grumpy Old Man, that is, before Shakespeare’s Seventh Stage of Man sets in:
Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
Becoming a Grumpy Old Man seemed inevitable for me, a zombie awkwardly stomping toward the elusive living. If you were bold enough to approach me back then, you’d better have your data ready and an intelligent question, or risk being cut off, or even risk some wrath from my (secretly sputtering) heat. After all, I was a bit pre-occupied (what a graphic word, doncha think?).
It was like a movie Wise Guy Mob Boss scene more than the Wise Mountain Guru scene; you wouldn’t find any placid guy sitting cross legged, doing deep breathing and whispering cryptic riddles, but a guy with eyes unholstered and blazing.
“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.”
― Julius Caesar
Is having Wisdom all that? How do we know? Last year, a psychological review by Gluck looked at measures for wisdom; “This overview article describes the most popular current measures of wisdom: the Berlin Wisdom Paradigm, the Bremen Wisdom Paradigm, Grossmann’s wise-reasoning approach, the Three-Dimensional Wisdom Scale, the Self-Assessed Wisdom Scale, and the Adult Self-Transcendence Inventory.”
The author describes each measure, and two major concepts: wisdom as a competency, and wisdom as a personality construct. Cool.
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
― Hamlet
“Neurobiology of Wisdom?” is a review article by Meeks and Jeste from about ten years ago. They conclude: “We have proposed a speculative model of the neurobiology of wisdom involving fronto-striatal and fronto-limbic circuits and monoaminergic pathways. Wisdom may involve optimal balance between functions of phylogenetically more primitive brain regions (limbic system) and newer ones (prefrontal cortex).”
OK, BOOMER, Whadever, Dude….
Just joking, I’m a Boomer myself, and it’s wonderful and amazing that the authors above would even approach a topic like wisdom, from a medical / psychological / neuroscience POV. If they’re right, we have to give young ones a break I guess, since young adults are still developing their prefrontal cortex (PFC), not that PFC development is an excuse for being rude or other untoward behaviors.
“We know what we are, but not what we may be.”
―
“Experience is what you get when you don’t get whatcha want!” That’s one of my favorite aphorisms, and I’m pedantic about it, noting that one can learn from both good and bad experiences. But will numerous bad experiences just make a person Grumpy? Can Grumps use the PFC or some other part of the brain as an excuse?
There is a real advantage to being Grumpy: in general, people take you more seriously than if you’re affable or tolerant or vulnerable (seemingly a fool), and there are times that an old guy wants to be taken seriously. And people stay away, which is great for quiet and privacy.
“For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds; Lillies that fester smell far worse than weeds.”
― The Sonnets
But yeah Boomer, being Grumpy can turn off young people (meaning you’ve lost them to their phone screens again).
Turns out that discussing dying with millennials goes better if one is affable or tolerant or appears to be vulnerable. Seems even better when you throw in a joke about the playlist for your funeral… you know, play to the crowd, right?
“More of your conversation would infect my brain.”
― Coriolanus
Did something switch in me? Well, being a family caregiver was not an aspirational goal from childhood, and not much fun, even after figuring some things out. Then one learns that being Grumpy is no advantage in being a caregiver, just the opposite, it’s less effective and may increase work, and one may end up feeling worse than merely Grumpy.
“The robb’d that smiles, steals something from the thief; /He robs himself that spends a bootless grief.”
― Othello
Of course, caregivers know that there is a progression of illness that is currently beyond anyone’s control. But dealing with the daily frustrations and sense of loss can make one even more joyful and appreciative and focused when encountering every tiny good thing. Maybe that makes one more tolerant, forgiving and outwardly less Grumpy. But beware, that inner Curmudgeon is still lurking!
“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.”
― The Merchant of Venice
Quotes listed on Goodreads.com
(image public domain from Pixabay)
