Burned out? Nah, C’mon man. I’m too good at this gig, and just about indispensible!! Yeah OK, sleep might be an issue, and that brings on…other things, the mind wanders a bit, although the body stays put, to deal with the necessary duties and tasks at hand.
Confession #1: Old guys do get tired, or so they say, and guys are said to love taking naps…when they can, especially if they average fewer than five hours of sleep at night. Maybe the sleep deficits pile up over time. They say sleep is important to prevent one’s own dementia…yeah, right.
A spousal home caregiver like me is either wonderfully efficient after years of daily experience….or makes the same mistakes over and over again. As a colleague once told me, “I may not be right, but at least I’m never in doubt!” [a neuroradiologist, you know how THEY are…]
The daily routine might include lifting a person with poor mobility, transferring and preventing pressure ulcers, for doing hygiene, etc up to 7X/day. The need for lifting not only limits who might do the caregiving, but introduces some safety issues in the home.
Finding a suitable agency caregiver during the pandemic put things into focus…we just did without one (over three years). I did have several two night respite breaks over the last few years, when family members had the time [I stayed in local hotels, since any AirBnB / VRBO where you hear the host family or urban chickens is just not that restful].
Confession #2: sometimes lack of sleep leads to grumpiness. That’s my excuse, but Curmudgeons rule, right? The three sleep prescriptions I’ve tried, along with OTC stuff, usually turned me into a zombie the next day.
Two years ago, I made a cruise reservation with a $1 deposit, when the line was desperate. I think I sleep better if the waves and weather don’t make me seasick. I canceled last year when the ships were not fully staffed and COVID-19 was still an issue, but they allowed me to postpone it until late this year.
There wasn’t only a shortage of cruise crew, there’s been a shortage of workers in healthcare, and in home caregiving.
We had four agencies pre-pandemic, some now defunct. I contacted six recently; four didn’t seem right (one highly regarded one would only do lifting with two of their staff present and a Hoyer Lift gizmo). Two might work.
Having to “train” new caregivers in the way we do things here (not that it’s always right), then learning to trust those folks would be a daunting task. On top of all the issues with multiple caregivers to cover the seven days, I would have to coordinate friends to do seven overnights. I won’t discuss costs.
My long time trusted PCP says I really need to go, for various reasons, and should stop making excuses.
Not related to respite exactly, but an elective health issue, I’ve put off cataract surgery two years because I heard that one cannot do much lifting post-op. But I’m OK seeing enough to drive…so far, at least when I’m not in zombie mode!
Confession #3: I’m choosing a nursing home / memory unit for the 7-night duration of the respite, one with a good reputation who will do short stays…evidently some don’t. Adult family homes and large institutions that I’ve seen do not seem like a good fit.
First, I had to discuss it with three friends: one whose parents were in nursing homes, generally positive; a colleague whose parents were in a well-advertised local chain, not so positive, and a friend who was a nursing home doctor in Upstate NY, who gave a balanced view.
There was the Good, maybe some Great, more Not So Good, nothing really Bad or Ugly exactly, just no place like home, y’know? The place we chose is staffed around the clock, they have professional caregivers and probably have protocols for lifting, hygiene, feeding, fall prevention, etc.
We’ll try it for a few nights first. Family and friends can visit. I’ll try not to worry about the basics, or the details, or the guilt, just the elusive Quality of Life and Quality of Care issues…hoping to catch some Zzzs myself, sailing off into a sunset…with tempered expectations…
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